I am and have been a pacifist for something like seventeen years now. This isn’t be being all “foo, I burnt the cookies”, but more of “I’m Peter’s seething ball of unrequited rage”. I think I used unrequited right. I’ve actually forced myself to not externalize my anger, my desire for swift vengeance, that I’m not even sure I could hit someone in self-defense.
As a quick aside, this is not a call for help, nor a warning. I am, and will continue to be till my death of old age, a proponent of non-violent solutions to most every problem.
Back to my narrative. I’m play violent videogames; I watch violent movies; I read violent books. Occasionally though, I find bits of an angrier person slipping through. Prior to my understanding of the answer to many a teenage why, I identified with people like Tyler Durden, Peter (and to a lesser degree Patrick) Bateman, and Brom from Game of Thrones. Every once in a while I find myself confounded by the world I live in and I end up quoting some of my less nice influences. Today was that day.
“I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.”
– American Psycho Brett Easton Ellis